Infinite Summer

oh, well done you idiot. its bad enough that the last couple of weeks i have an attention span of about 9 millisconds, but now it seems i am screwing up non-technical things as well. my boss was sitting opposite me and my phone went off andi i thought it was an agent that i used to work with and whose firm owes me money because i paid too much to them, but it wasn't him but another agent.

now usually when my phone goes off i walk away and stand in the stair-well but on this occasion i didn't, and i answered the phone and it was this other agent talking about a job. usually i would just say no thanks, and especially so if my boss is sitting 2 feet away from me, but not this time. i told him it wasn't a good time to speak and could he call me back in a few minutes, when i would be free to talk. what!!!????. say it bit louder, i don't think everyone of my floor heard all of that.

i am an idiot. its blatantly obvious i was talking to an agent because i picked up the phone and answered like i didn't know who it was, and then i say call me back in a few minutes. my brain is just giving up. as soon as i put the phone down, i just sat back, in bewilderment at my sillyness. i need to get out of here on my break before i break a server/ screw up a production application / antagonise my boss by speaking to people about other jobs, and just generally get my head together. i am not usual this big a prick. i really am not. its like i don't where i am and am running on auto pilot.

today i have mostly been listening to alberta cross - atx. this song is awesome. it sums up how i have been recently. if you are fed up with things then this will make you feel better. you are not alone.

take me home....i just want to feel....coz i just can't relate.

i think V is going through some tough times. i can feel you from 6000 miles away. take care my friend.