i cant remember if this is my 4th or 5th week at my current contract because what i have done is not important. the important thing is what i have left to do, and its 2 and half weeks before i put the word out that i am available. August will be starting and i will be in the last month of my contract. if something turns up i will be in a position to start. it will take a couple of weeks even if i land a new contract really quickly and given the state of the market, that is not likely, but at least i will have the word out.
besides, i am looking to go cali at the beginning of sept when this current contract is over. i remember a few months ago i had it in my mind to go cali, but then my dad was in and out of hospital. i remember wondering if he would be fully recovered by september so that i could go away, as the thought of going away for a week while he was ill was not something i wanted to do. he wasn't even seriously ill at the time and it wasn't life threatening or anything like that. it was just something that needed monitoring and he was getting better slowly. i remember thinking he would be ok come september and i would get my week long break. instead he has passed away. i didnt envisage that happening at all.
anyways, life goes on. weather is awful in london town. horse shit. you will all get to see how shit once the olympic coverage starts on tv and you see thousands of miserable people sitting in the rain in the olympic stadium, pissed off that its cold, its wet and that they spent £150 to watch the qualifying of the shot put and pole vault and 5000m steeple chase in a half empty stadium eating a bag of chips and sipping on a coke that cost £12:50.
am slowly becoming aware of the politics in the department at work. it seems one of the guys who is a permie (they all are) and who has been there over a year, is not really rated by the other guys and they make fun of his ability when he is not there. he has been ok with me, and actually has been more helpful than the other guys, but he doesn't help himself by asking dumb questions and working and talking really slowly. dude needs to wake up a bit.
also it looks like our manager didnt approve the timesheets last month so none of the team got paid last month. its an inconvenience. after all, we are all well paid and you would think we were not living from pay cheque to pay cheque. however, it seems one of us is, as one of the guys was really pissed and said he really needed the money this month and it was going to cause problems. christ, if people on 60 or 70 grand a year are living from month to month what hope do people have that are earning average wage. you really do live in a strange bubble in financial companys. most people seem to have no idea what it must be like for normal people in the real world.
i earn what would be considered a lot of money every month, and probably more than the other guys in the department, but i still live a lifestyle well within my means. i dont get close to spending all my monthly wages. jesus, what kind of lifestyle do you lead that you can earn a fat wage for 7 years and still have no savings and are waiting for every pay day. no wonder the masses hate people who work in financial services and banks. most of them are indulgent flashy idiots.
one of the guys i know just bought a new pair of headphones.....for £900. he then spent £600 for a headphone amplifier. his wife on the same shopping trip bought a pair of shoes for £600. 1 pair!!!. part joking part serious, i told him she could have got 6 pairs of good trainers for that much. over 2 grand gone on headphones and a pair of shoes in one afternoon in one department store. what planet are people living on.
i look back at the way my parents raised me and thinking about it, material things never played a big part of my childhood. it wasnt that it was actively discouraged, but it was just something that was ignored and irrelevant. my dad never talked about getting a better car or a bigger tv. it just never came up. he had what he had and what he could afford and what he wanted and it was just stuff. no more, no less and not that important. he was proud of his home and he was proud that he bought it by working hard. it has rubbed off on me. i dont own a car. i dont have an expensive stereo. i do own a beautiful apartment that has mostly been paid for in cash through my own hard work. the guy with the £900 headphones doesnt own an apartment but rents one. a lot of people have to rent but you would think people with that much money wouldnt need to and could afford to buy something, but it seems they have other priorities.
i find myself unable and unwilling to participate in the rampant consumerism which we are supposed to aspire to and it seems i am supposed to because nearly all of my peers do without question. i have nice stuff not all of which i actually need but its stuff i want and not the stuff i thinks i should have just because everyone i know has one.
i still buy nice trainers and go to sports shops to check out whats out at the moment. i like nice jeans not because my friends like them but because i like them and not for the label they have on them happens to be cool this week. i still play football not because i cant afford to go snowboarding in switzerland, but because i like playing football in wembley with my friends. i dont play golf not because i dont have the money for golf bats, but because golf is for cunts.
i like computers and california and levis and g-star jeans and nike trainers and casio watches and i dont want a macbook air or go on holiday to st tropez and i dont have true religion jeans and suede loafers and tag heuer/Panerai watches. i dont want to play that game. there is no end to it.
today i have mostly been listening to rage against the machine - no shelter.
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