august starts on wednesday. that means i can start looking for new contracts, although i jumped the gun by a week or two and have been doing so already. there is something going at a german bank and something going on a hedge fund. i would prefer the hedge fund. somewhere small where you can do lots of different things. will see how it goes.
i really should not be looking for jobs right now as i really need break. its been a long and emotionally trying last couple of months since my dad passed. my head and my soul needs a rest, but i know what happens. when i dont want a new contract i end up getting offered lots, and when i do want a contract, nothing turns up for ages, so i guess i should prepare myself for the eventuality of having to get my game face on and starting somewhere new and not going to cali. i shouldnt complain because its work and well paid, but i desperately need a break.
have also got a suspicion that my current contract might extend me for another 3 months. i will pass on it if they do. i am not going to do their on-call. its horrific from seeing what the other guys have to put up with. 3am call outs. entire weekends at work. no thanks, i will pass.
olympics is on tv. looks great on my new HD tv. have also started going to the gym again. i missed a whole month and since then its been sporadic, but i can feel myself getting back into it. the persistent headache i seem to have constantly tends to disappear when i train. was also on my bike on saturday in the sun, and set my 2nd fastest time ever to the gym. 15m 6s. i was inspired by the olympic road race which was taking place the same day and had to turn it up to 11 on my own bike ride.
today i have mostly been listening to the gaslight anthem - handwritten.
Monday 30 July 2012
Sunday 29 July 2012
weight of the world
the dad of a friend of mine who i went to school with from the age of 4 till 16 died about a week ago. i only got a mail about it today and it turns out his dad commited suicide. what the fuck is going on in the world!!!. i went round to his mums house and gave them my condelences to her. he was out but he called me and said we should meet up soon. will arrange something soon. bad shit happening with people.
it was different when my dad died because he had a stroke and its just one those things that happens. i cant imagine how we would have felt if he had taken his own life. i didnt ask and they didnt tell me about it. its none of my business. i can only imagine there must have been something serious that no one knew of. i met his dad quite a few times over the years and the last time i saw him was about 3 years ago. seemed like a nice stable happy guy from the outside.
today i have mostly been listening to editors - weight of the world. no video. it doesnt need it.
it was different when my dad died because he had a stroke and its just one those things that happens. i cant imagine how we would have felt if he had taken his own life. i didnt ask and they didnt tell me about it. its none of my business. i can only imagine there must have been something serious that no one knew of. i met his dad quite a few times over the years and the last time i saw him was about 3 years ago. seemed like a nice stable happy guy from the outside.
today i have mostly been listening to editors - weight of the world. no video. it doesnt need it.
Saturday 21 July 2012
school of seven bells
for the first time in about 7 weeks since my dad died, i went out this week and met some friends after work and also went to football for the first time on thursday night. am slowly getting back to normality although its going to be a new normal because things wont ever be the same again.
work has been a bit trying this week. not fun at all and i really i hope i land something else soon. my plan was to see out july and then start applying for new contracts in august when i would be a month from finishing at my current place. that plan went out the window after i got a couple of calls this week about some contracts and i also saw a couple of good roles that i had to apply to. no way would i let them just slide by because of some self imposed timetable i have no need to enforce on myself.
i really would like to be in a position to leave in 6 weeks time and have something sorted out. this bank is not like i thought it would be like and how i managed it would be. its one of the smaller investment banks in london and i thought it would be using all the latest software and be fast and nimble. its not like that at all. lots of beauracracy, old servers, old software and very political. my teamleaders boss is an asshole. really rude and loud and a bit of a dick head, who likes to put people down publicly and always seems to be angry. today he got some of his own medicine because one the managing directors slated him in an email and cc'd lots of other people in it. i bet he didnt like it but maybe he learned something about his own behaviour from it.....or maybe not.
always be worried when you go some place and they CC lots of people on emails that appear to have nothing to do with you. it shows there is a culture of ass covering and a blame culture. i get CC'd on mails that have nothing to do with me. stop spamming me with this shit. to me, its a sign of a disfuntional political organisation.
weather is supposed to be turning starting from saturday. its been horrible and rained almost every day this month so far. summer is supposed to be starting this weekend. 3 months late, but better late than never. cali is calling me ever louder.
today i have mostly been listening to school of seven bells - scavenger. wicked tune.
work has been a bit trying this week. not fun at all and i really i hope i land something else soon. my plan was to see out july and then start applying for new contracts in august when i would be a month from finishing at my current place. that plan went out the window after i got a couple of calls this week about some contracts and i also saw a couple of good roles that i had to apply to. no way would i let them just slide by because of some self imposed timetable i have no need to enforce on myself.
i really would like to be in a position to leave in 6 weeks time and have something sorted out. this bank is not like i thought it would be like and how i managed it would be. its one of the smaller investment banks in london and i thought it would be using all the latest software and be fast and nimble. its not like that at all. lots of beauracracy, old servers, old software and very political. my teamleaders boss is an asshole. really rude and loud and a bit of a dick head, who likes to put people down publicly and always seems to be angry. today he got some of his own medicine because one the managing directors slated him in an email and cc'd lots of other people in it. i bet he didnt like it but maybe he learned something about his own behaviour from it.....or maybe not.
always be worried when you go some place and they CC lots of people on emails that appear to have nothing to do with you. it shows there is a culture of ass covering and a blame culture. i get CC'd on mails that have nothing to do with me. stop spamming me with this shit. to me, its a sign of a disfuntional political organisation.
weather is supposed to be turning starting from saturday. its been horrible and rained almost every day this month so far. summer is supposed to be starting this weekend. 3 months late, but better late than never. cali is calling me ever louder.
today i have mostly been listening to school of seven bells - scavenger. wicked tune.
Wednesday 11 July 2012
no shelter
i cant remember if this is my 4th or 5th week at my current contract because what i have done is not important. the important thing is what i have left to do, and its 2 and half weeks before i put the word out that i am available. August will be starting and i will be in the last month of my contract. if something turns up i will be in a position to start. it will take a couple of weeks even if i land a new contract really quickly and given the state of the market, that is not likely, but at least i will have the word out.
besides, i am looking to go cali at the beginning of sept when this current contract is over. i remember a few months ago i had it in my mind to go cali, but then my dad was in and out of hospital. i remember wondering if he would be fully recovered by september so that i could go away, as the thought of going away for a week while he was ill was not something i wanted to do. he wasn't even seriously ill at the time and it wasn't life threatening or anything like that. it was just something that needed monitoring and he was getting better slowly. i remember thinking he would be ok come september and i would get my week long break. instead he has passed away. i didnt envisage that happening at all.
anyways, life goes on. weather is awful in london town. horse shit. you will all get to see how shit once the olympic coverage starts on tv and you see thousands of miserable people sitting in the rain in the olympic stadium, pissed off that its cold, its wet and that they spent £150 to watch the qualifying of the shot put and pole vault and 5000m steeple chase in a half empty stadium eating a bag of chips and sipping on a coke that cost £12:50.
am slowly becoming aware of the politics in the department at work. it seems one of the guys who is a permie (they all are) and who has been there over a year, is not really rated by the other guys and they make fun of his ability when he is not there. he has been ok with me, and actually has been more helpful than the other guys, but he doesn't help himself by asking dumb questions and working and talking really slowly. dude needs to wake up a bit.
also it looks like our manager didnt approve the timesheets last month so none of the team got paid last month. its an inconvenience. after all, we are all well paid and you would think we were not living from pay cheque to pay cheque. however, it seems one of us is, as one of the guys was really pissed and said he really needed the money this month and it was going to cause problems. christ, if people on 60 or 70 grand a year are living from month to month what hope do people have that are earning average wage. you really do live in a strange bubble in financial companys. most people seem to have no idea what it must be like for normal people in the real world.
i earn what would be considered a lot of money every month, and probably more than the other guys in the department, but i still live a lifestyle well within my means. i dont get close to spending all my monthly wages. jesus, what kind of lifestyle do you lead that you can earn a fat wage for 7 years and still have no savings and are waiting for every pay day. no wonder the masses hate people who work in financial services and banks. most of them are indulgent flashy idiots.
one of the guys i know just bought a new pair of headphones.....for £900. he then spent £600 for a headphone amplifier. his wife on the same shopping trip bought a pair of shoes for £600. 1 pair!!!. part joking part serious, i told him she could have got 6 pairs of good trainers for that much. over 2 grand gone on headphones and a pair of shoes in one afternoon in one department store. what planet are people living on.
i look back at the way my parents raised me and thinking about it, material things never played a big part of my childhood. it wasnt that it was actively discouraged, but it was just something that was ignored and irrelevant. my dad never talked about getting a better car or a bigger tv. it just never came up. he had what he had and what he could afford and what he wanted and it was just stuff. no more, no less and not that important. he was proud of his home and he was proud that he bought it by working hard. it has rubbed off on me. i dont own a car. i dont have an expensive stereo. i do own a beautiful apartment that has mostly been paid for in cash through my own hard work. the guy with the £900 headphones doesnt own an apartment but rents one. a lot of people have to rent but you would think people with that much money wouldnt need to and could afford to buy something, but it seems they have other priorities.
i find myself unable and unwilling to participate in the rampant consumerism which we are supposed to aspire to and it seems i am supposed to because nearly all of my peers do without question. i have nice stuff not all of which i actually need but its stuff i want and not the stuff i thinks i should have just because everyone i know has one.
i still buy nice trainers and go to sports shops to check out whats out at the moment. i like nice jeans not because my friends like them but because i like them and not for the label they have on them happens to be cool this week. i still play football not because i cant afford to go snowboarding in switzerland, but because i like playing football in wembley with my friends. i dont play golf not because i dont have the money for golf bats, but because golf is for cunts.
i like computers and california and levis and g-star jeans and nike trainers and casio watches and i dont want a macbook air or go on holiday to st tropez and i dont have true religion jeans and suede loafers and tag heuer/Panerai watches. i dont want to play that game. there is no end to it.
today i have mostly been listening to rage against the machine - no shelter.
besides, i am looking to go cali at the beginning of sept when this current contract is over. i remember a few months ago i had it in my mind to go cali, but then my dad was in and out of hospital. i remember wondering if he would be fully recovered by september so that i could go away, as the thought of going away for a week while he was ill was not something i wanted to do. he wasn't even seriously ill at the time and it wasn't life threatening or anything like that. it was just something that needed monitoring and he was getting better slowly. i remember thinking he would be ok come september and i would get my week long break. instead he has passed away. i didnt envisage that happening at all.
anyways, life goes on. weather is awful in london town. horse shit. you will all get to see how shit once the olympic coverage starts on tv and you see thousands of miserable people sitting in the rain in the olympic stadium, pissed off that its cold, its wet and that they spent £150 to watch the qualifying of the shot put and pole vault and 5000m steeple chase in a half empty stadium eating a bag of chips and sipping on a coke that cost £12:50.
am slowly becoming aware of the politics in the department at work. it seems one of the guys who is a permie (they all are) and who has been there over a year, is not really rated by the other guys and they make fun of his ability when he is not there. he has been ok with me, and actually has been more helpful than the other guys, but he doesn't help himself by asking dumb questions and working and talking really slowly. dude needs to wake up a bit.
also it looks like our manager didnt approve the timesheets last month so none of the team got paid last month. its an inconvenience. after all, we are all well paid and you would think we were not living from pay cheque to pay cheque. however, it seems one of us is, as one of the guys was really pissed and said he really needed the money this month and it was going to cause problems. christ, if people on 60 or 70 grand a year are living from month to month what hope do people have that are earning average wage. you really do live in a strange bubble in financial companys. most people seem to have no idea what it must be like for normal people in the real world.
i earn what would be considered a lot of money every month, and probably more than the other guys in the department, but i still live a lifestyle well within my means. i dont get close to spending all my monthly wages. jesus, what kind of lifestyle do you lead that you can earn a fat wage for 7 years and still have no savings and are waiting for every pay day. no wonder the masses hate people who work in financial services and banks. most of them are indulgent flashy idiots.
one of the guys i know just bought a new pair of headphones.....for £900. he then spent £600 for a headphone amplifier. his wife on the same shopping trip bought a pair of shoes for £600. 1 pair!!!. part joking part serious, i told him she could have got 6 pairs of good trainers for that much. over 2 grand gone on headphones and a pair of shoes in one afternoon in one department store. what planet are people living on.
i look back at the way my parents raised me and thinking about it, material things never played a big part of my childhood. it wasnt that it was actively discouraged, but it was just something that was ignored and irrelevant. my dad never talked about getting a better car or a bigger tv. it just never came up. he had what he had and what he could afford and what he wanted and it was just stuff. no more, no less and not that important. he was proud of his home and he was proud that he bought it by working hard. it has rubbed off on me. i dont own a car. i dont have an expensive stereo. i do own a beautiful apartment that has mostly been paid for in cash through my own hard work. the guy with the £900 headphones doesnt own an apartment but rents one. a lot of people have to rent but you would think people with that much money wouldnt need to and could afford to buy something, but it seems they have other priorities.
i find myself unable and unwilling to participate in the rampant consumerism which we are supposed to aspire to and it seems i am supposed to because nearly all of my peers do without question. i have nice stuff not all of which i actually need but its stuff i want and not the stuff i thinks i should have just because everyone i know has one.
i still buy nice trainers and go to sports shops to check out whats out at the moment. i like nice jeans not because my friends like them but because i like them and not for the label they have on them happens to be cool this week. i still play football not because i cant afford to go snowboarding in switzerland, but because i like playing football in wembley with my friends. i dont play golf not because i dont have the money for golf bats, but because golf is for cunts.
i like computers and california and levis and g-star jeans and nike trainers and casio watches and i dont want a macbook air or go on holiday to st tropez and i dont have true religion jeans and suede loafers and tag heuer/Panerai watches. i dont want to play that game. there is no end to it.
today i have mostly been listening to rage against the machine - no shelter.
Sunday 8 July 2012
freedom at 21
only 3 more weeks left in june to get through. come August, i will put the word out that i will be available in september for another contract. just need to get through these 3 weeks.
weather has been utterly miserble. i think they said we got the the equivalent of a whole month of july rainfall this weekend. looks like its shaping up to be another record breaking rainfall for this month to go with april, may and june. california is looming large in my mind.
nothing else to say. my friend from san francisco is over in london at the moment so will meet up with her this week or maybe next. i might also try and go football on thursday night. i havent been since my dad passed away around 6 weeks ago. i will go along to see all the guys. have been underground and not really been out or seen many people over the last 6 weeks.
today i have mostly been listening to jack white - freedom at 21. class tune as always from mr white.
weather has been utterly miserble. i think they said we got the the equivalent of a whole month of july rainfall this weekend. looks like its shaping up to be another record breaking rainfall for this month to go with april, may and june. california is looming large in my mind.
nothing else to say. my friend from san francisco is over in london at the moment so will meet up with her this week or maybe next. i might also try and go football on thursday night. i havent been since my dad passed away around 6 weeks ago. i will go along to see all the guys. have been underground and not really been out or seen many people over the last 6 weeks.
today i have mostly been listening to jack white - freedom at 21. class tune as always from mr white.
Tuesday 3 July 2012
tomorrow
am counting the days down at work. i really have no passion for doing support any more, at least not dealing with shit like people complaining about their email being slow or doing restores of deleted files and shit like that. i did that years ago and i dont mind doing a bit of it but i really have no desire to want to do it as my job for a long period of time. its fucking dull and i am better than that.
we are in july and this is the hardest month for me. i finish at the beginning of september and come august, i will start looking for a new contract. i just need to get through july and cross the days off one by one. this contract is not quite what i envisaged. they are not quite as up to date and dynamic as i thought they would be given the fact they are one of the smaller investment banks in london. they have hardly any windows 2008 which is a surprise and they run vsphere 4, which considering how small their virtual infrastructure is, i thought they might be on version 5. i have learned a bit of NetApp but they just do admin stuff most of the time and thats pretty repetitive.
bring on august. i have to try and not get frustrated raising tickets and change requests and interacting with users. its only 2 months and then its california sunshine and mustang 5.0 and beaches and pretty women and nice food and sports and music.
today i have mostly been listening to james - tomorrow
we are in july and this is the hardest month for me. i finish at the beginning of september and come august, i will start looking for a new contract. i just need to get through july and cross the days off one by one. this contract is not quite what i envisaged. they are not quite as up to date and dynamic as i thought they would be given the fact they are one of the smaller investment banks in london. they have hardly any windows 2008 which is a surprise and they run vsphere 4, which considering how small their virtual infrastructure is, i thought they might be on version 5. i have learned a bit of NetApp but they just do admin stuff most of the time and thats pretty repetitive.
bring on august. i have to try and not get frustrated raising tickets and change requests and interacting with users. its only 2 months and then its california sunshine and mustang 5.0 and beaches and pretty women and nice food and sports and music.
today i have mostly been listening to james - tomorrow
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