Wednesday 30 April 2008

lifeline

there are 2 contractors in our department. actually i will rephrase that. there WERE 2 contractors in our department. the girl that had been here 18 months and who i said spoke really quietly and was in a semi-comatose state has not had her contract renewed and been let go. i think she was a little pissed off that my contract was renewed as i had only been here 3 months.

i asked the guy next to me why they had decided to let her go and if it had been a choice between us i would have though the newbie (me) would have got bus stop. he said that the rest of the team found it hard to communicate with her.

i am always going on about this exam i did and that exam i did but the most important thing i have found in going to job interviews is if people feel they can work with you and talk to you and get on with you. its been a really good experience for me in the last couple of jobs i have had, that i have had to work with lots of different people none of whom i knew before and some of whom turned out to be assholes, but we still managed to work with them and survive. a friend of mine who worked with me at my last bank is now working for another american bank that i turned down, and he is having a pretty bad time there. he hates his boss.
regarding interviews and employers judging whether you will fit in with their teams, its also a chance for you to judge whether you like them. have been to a couple of interviews where i have been interviewed by people i just knew immediately they would be difficult to work with.

anyways been getting a couple of calls recently about some jobs. don't know if anything will happen with them but i think the job market has hit rock bottom and from here onwards things might start getting slightly better over the next few weeks and months. in an environment as tough as this, i am lucky to be employed by one of the largest american banks, instead of having a blank space of a few months on my cv whilst being out of work. when the market turns i will have a good cv with a couple of contracts at investment banks and with every exam ever made (slight exageration), and then its rock n roll baby!. i would really like a good project engineering role putting in some interesting systems. am doing lots of support and operational things at the moment. its no stress and its all experience so shall not complain any more about it.

delayed my citrix exam by a week. was supposed to be this friday but moved it to next friday. am not quite at the level i need to be so will study some more. one day i will get a job where i can learn something at work instead of learning things when i go home in the evening.

don't think we will have football this week. have been struggling for numbers recently and now the the guy who got the job as a courier and went to LA and tokyo last week, has just flown off to beunos aires, argentina. i am so jealous. tokyo and beunos aires are the 2 places in the world i would most like to go and he has gone to both in a week. one day.......

today i have mostly been listening to angels and airwaves - lifeline.
a little bit of uplifting music as the weather is horrible today.

keep smiling V

Friday 25 April 2008

dust

Something happened today with regards to people being laid off and departments in the bank being reorganised. All afternoon there have been whispered conversations around various people desks. I have no idea what they are talking about and i know none of the people affected. In fact i don’t know that many people here at all, so its no good asking me whats going on because i don’t know shit. The impression that i get is that there are some not very happy people here at the moment. Am glad i am a contractor and politics are not something i get involved in any more.

it kind of reminded me when of when i was a permanent employee at the internet company i worked at for years. i was always bitching about people getting promoted or laid off or reoraganisations at the company. i always used to get stressed out about shit like that. it just feels great to be uninvolved with that anymore. i can see the person i used to be, in some of the people at the bank, and i am glad i made the jump and made a change. its not so much that i feel i have changed and become a different person since i left. i think its more that i have changed and found myself since i left. you kind of lose yourself in some environments and forget who you are and what it is you want to do, and you get caught up with everything and lose your identity.

it just feels like its coming back to me now and my fate doesn't rest in the hands of anyone else but me. yes, i could get laid off and lose my job, but so what!?. i don't care about that and i am not worried about that. i know what i know and i feel quite confident in myself. miles more confident than if i had stayed at the same place for years and years and where i wasn't happy. i am not that happy or content with my current job but i know its only temporary and i definitley won't be there for many more months. its that fact that makes me happy. its like that saying that happiness isn't a destination but the journey.

anyways........

......Had the last of my windows 2008 server exams today and passed it. Have booked my citrix exam for next Friday and then i think i might take a week off from the studying. This one might be a bit more trickier for me as i don’t use citrix much anymore at this bank so i might delay it if i am not feeling confident. Am feeling quite good about getting todays exam knocked out and 3 exams in 3 weeks was tough but i did it.

Thats about it really. Had a top night out in Shoreditch with some friends on Wednesday night. I am working tomorrow morning and have to start at 8 but hopefully i will be done by noon. Its going to be a beautiful sunny day tomorrow so i want to get home quick and then out on my bike in the sunshine.

Keep smiling V

Today i have mostly been listening to my new favourite band, royworld – dust . they release their first album next month and i think its going to be wicked if there are songs on it as good as this, and their previous singles.


Wednesday 23 April 2008

leap of faith

Had my contract not been renewed, yesterday would have been my last day at the bank, but about a week ago they offered me a renewal and i accepted it. I had been applying for stuff but it just went stone cold in the job market in april and so i figured i would take the new contract for another 3 months and then see what happens.

Well in slightly ironic timing i have had calls yesterday and today about new contracts available at other banks paying good money but that want people that can start in a week or two. Both times i have said i would be interested in them but as soon as i said 4 weeks notice they backed off and said they weren’t sure if they could wait that long.

I know it sounds really ungrateful but right now i am wishing my contract had ended yesterday. There is a contractor here in our department that had been here 18 months and her contract has not been renewed and she is a little pissed about that, and the fact they renewed my contract even though i have only been here 3 months.

I think in this game you need to make a leap of faith and i am wondering that the next time my contract is up for renewal i may just not sign it, even if i have nothing to go to. I think i will need to be brave and hope that something will come through. We shall see how it goes.

Out tonight in Shoreditch with some friends. Exam on Friday. Nothing else.

Take care Californian girl in Phoenix.

Today i have mostly been listening to Marvin Gaye – inner city blues, from the classic album, what’s going on. its my favourite song from that album. His voice sounds incredible on it and I love listening to that album if i am up late at night. I think he recorded another couple of albums after this and then got capped by his old man, which was very tragic indeed
.

Monday 21 April 2008

momentum

i can't stop. i booked another exam for this friday. i have momentum and its so hard to get going i figure i should take advantage of it and do as much as i can for as long as i can. i will run out steam at some point but not just yet. this will be my 3rd exam in 3 weeks. also booked another exam for next week as well. weather is lame so i don't mind being indoors studying to listening to music. its quite nice actually......though sometimes it is a bit boring. :-).... but hey it needs to be done. if something needs to be done you just got to get on with it and do it, even if you might not want to.

my friend who is a courier went to japan on saturday and was there for one day. its the same guy that went to LA last week and who said he didn't see that many nice looking girls in LA. well, he said tokyo was awesome and there were just too many nice looking girls there. he said it was miles better than LA. those are his words not mine, so if you are a girl from LA don't get upset with me. it just his observation. i only know one girl from california and she is beautiful. i'm sure he caught LA on a bad day.....and tokyo on a good day. :-)

take care V. keep smiling girl.

today i have mostly been listening to infadels - make mistakes. have a listen. its wicked. i wouldn't be listening to it if it wasn't.
right then, back to the books. :-(

Friday 18 April 2008

and another one

thats another exam knocked out today at lunchtime. that was number 16. man, i am so tired and had a really hard time concentrating and reading the questions. have got one of those dull headaches today because of lack of sleep. will attempt to do another exam in a couple of weeks maybe. i think i will do the citrix exam and get that out of the way. i just really want to drive myself hard these days.
am also working tomorrow and its another early start. aarrgghhh!!!!. its only half day and so will go to the gym in the afternoon. had to miss a session this week because of studying and i need to make up for it.

didn't really comment about the concert last night in my previous post. i actually missed the first couple of minutes because i went to the pub with a friend of mine and we got into the venue at 8.45pm thinking that the band would be on just after 9pm, but they were already playing when we got in. tom de longe did speak quite a bit between songs and to be honest he can go on a bit. i think i prefer the trent reznor approach of just playing song after song with no breaks.
the band actually played more songs from the first album than they did of the latest album, which was good for me because i think i prefer the first album. the highlights for me were when the played valkrye missile and the war.

my friend had the chance to go to LA for the 2nd time this week, but couldn't do it. if my contract had not been renewed and i had the time off, i would definitley have gone in his place. i will see what happens at the end of july and if i find myself out of contract then, i will tell him i will do some trips. am planning on heading out west in the late summer anyway.

have a lovely weekend. get some rest for me.

take care flower. you probably need a rest more than me these days. look after yourself and keep smiling.

nx

today i have mostly been listening to jay-z and linkin park - numb/encore

Thursday 17 April 2008

london tonight








went to see angels and airwaves play tonight. goes without saying that it was a good show.

off to bed now. long day planned tomorrow and its already been a long week.

keep smiling flower :-)

L.A Baby!

I think there are redundancies going on around the bank at the moment. Rumours are swirling around and bits of information are coming in, where i hear names of people that i don’t know that have been laid off.
Everyone is worried. There is a tension in the air.

Me.....i am completely unaffected by any of it. I always say that i am learning nothing and doing no work and so you would think that i would have got very little out of this experience but actually its given me one of the things i was looking for when i left the internet company i spent years at, and that was to get experience and exposure and to see if i was actually any good at this computer stuff i do for a living . it has given me a bit of confidence and given the fact i have been taking exams regularly i feel more confident than the other guys in the bank. After all, i also don’t have the worry about payments on a Porsche, golf club memberships, football season tickets, exotic holidays to the carribean etc.

I am here for 3 months and thats the length of my contract. Its all crystal clear. I don’t want to be here when my contract is up in july, but i know i have those 3 months and i am happy with that. it will be time to move on by then anyway.

Worst comes to the worst and i can’t get a new job and my contract doesn’t get renewed, it will mean i have some free time and i think i might go on holiday to san fran and LA and maybe san diego in late august. It would work out well. thats a very good option if you ask me. maybe i should hope for the worst.

Actually a friend of mine just got a job as a courier and he just went to LA on Tuesday to deliver some film tapes to a big studio. He was there for less than a day before flying back. His thoughts on LA were,

Its far from London, 11 hours on the plane.

Its sunny and warm.

he didn't many nice looking girls ( which i was suprised at), though he was only there for a morning and afternoon. Am sure there are lots of nice looking girls in LA. Just not between 10am and 3pm on sunset boulevard.


Lots of tattoo shops and quite a lot of people with facial tattoos. Tattoos can look nice on some people if done properly and designed well, but have never seen a facial tattoo look good. They might have been gang members,....maybe. facial tattoos quite popular amongst the latino gangs i hear. he did say he went through Compton on the subway.

Thats about it for his 5 hours in LA. If i was to go i think i might stay a little longer than 5 hours. 3 or 4 days possibly to get a bit of a flavour of the city. Probably chill with the homies in south central. Do a couple of drive by’s. i wonder how much an automatic assault rifle costs?, will have to find out before i go. I might also get some ink done with the name of my neighbourhood in gothic lettering across my back. Spend most of time playing dominoes whilst wearing those ¾ length baggy chino pants with long white socks and a white vest. Maybe shave my head and grow a goatee and moustache as well. i wonder if you can rent lo-riders from hertz or avis. I will look into that as well. (i think i may have watched boyz 'n the 'hood too many times)


Today i have mostly been listening to At the drive in - one armed scissor. two of the guys from at the drive in went on to form the band sparta which was what i listening to in my last post. If i was keeping it gangsta in LA right now, i would be listening to NWA - fuck tha police.....fo' shizzle.

Anyways....., i have been going to bed at midnight all week because i have been studying and waking up at 6am because i am on earlies at work. 6 hours sleep is taking out of me. Also had football last night and going to see Angels and airwaves tonight. I am progressively getting more and more spaced out and tired as the week has gone on. exam tomorrow lunchtime as well. not the best preparation and would have liked another week of study but the only dates i could book the exam was tomorrow or mid-may, which was too far away. We shall see how it goes. Am more likely to fail by taking it earlier than i wanted but if i do flunk it, i will try it again in a couple of weeks. I would just rather take it sooner rather later.


take care V

Monday 14 April 2008

earlies

am on earlies this week which means getting up at 6am. am finding it hard to get up that early. don't know why as at my last bank i had to get up just after 5am when i was on earlies and a few times it was during the cold winter months when it would be pitch black and cold outside when i was leaving home. its april so 6 am should be a walk in the park, but i don't know, it just feels hard.

football on wednesday night because i told the guys i was going to angels and airwaves thursday night and wouldn't be able to make it unless football got moved.
i noticed a feature on blogger where you can post a picture where your title bar is supposed to go at the top of the blog. i have put a picture i took at a nine inch nails concert last year. what a night. will post pics from angels and airwaves on friday.

got perilously close to emailing you this evening. i was watching tv and relaxing and you came into my head and i got really worried about you all of a sudden. thought about it for a couple of minutes and then decided i would let it go. you got bigger things to worry about than having to deal with me.
just take care of yourself flower. Maybe its because i can sense that you are anxious over what will happen over the next few weeks, but i am feeling anxious about how you are these days.

take care my friend.

today i have mostly been listening to sparta - air.
If you see through these motives
you'll please report your progress

Friday 11 April 2008

you want me to stay?....why!?

I got called into a meeting room yesterday with the teamleader and he told me that my contract was going to be renewed for another 3 months. It was due to finish in a couple of weeks but he said they were happy with my work and hoped I would accept the new contract and stay for another 3 months.
I said it was cool and I will sign the new contract in a couple of weeks, but that doesn’t mean I am going to stop looking. It’s just good that it buys me some time to get something else. The job market is absolutely dead at the moment in financial companies. At our bank they have let quite a few people go and are restructuring. Hopefully things will pick up soon. The longer you keep looking the more chance you have of finding something. It’s just a question of being there and available at the right time.

Was a little surprised they renewed my contract as I don’t really do that much work. I was always critical of people at my previous jobs when I thought they were lazy and not doing anything, and I am not blind to the fact that I am now doing not much. If there was stuff to do I would do it, but there isn’t that much for me to do. have started studying in the quiet times at work and have booked another exam next week. Am going to keep the pressure on and not let up or get comfortable. It breaks if you don’t force it....it breaks if you don’t try.

Bumped into a guy that I used to work with, in the shopping centre in canary wharf. He did not sound very happy with his new job. He works for an internet company, but one that is larger than the one we used to work at. It sounds like the same kind of silliness that used to go on in my old company is going on at his. Basically it sounds like he is working with dumb ass, lazy incompetent idiots. He really seemed down about it and said that if his wife was not due to have a baby he would just walk out of his job, because he hated it so much. When you hate your job it can really get you down a lot. I suppose I am lucky in that I don’t hate my job. I just want to move on because I am bored and want to progress, but I don’t have to deal with assholes and I pretty much get left alone to work (or not work in my case) at my own pace.

Today I have mostly been listening to korn – beg for me.

Have a good weekend V. It’s a big month coming up for you. i really hope it all goes well. take care

Wednesday 9 April 2008

fight

So I had my exam today and kicked its ass.

Strange metaphor ‘kicked its ass’, to say you really did well at something. Implies it was a fight and that at some point in the fight I kicked someone in the ass and that shows that I was the winner in the fight.

Well, if it had been a fight I caught it with a couple of straight jabs to the chin and a right cross. I then switched to southpaw to confuse it a little and kept jabbing always keeping my guard to make sure I did not leave myself open to any shots. Then I caught it square on the chin with a powerful right after a great combination of punches and it went down to the canvas. The referee started to count 10,9,8,7,.... but I just pushed the referee out the ring, took off my gloves and switched from boxing to wrestling. I got a steel chair which conveniently was at the side of the ring, and i hit it with it. I then climbed on to the top rope and launched myself at it whilst it was laying in the centre of the ring, and landed with a well placed elbow to the chest. After that it was all over. I then left the ring to an ovation from the audience, who were mainly wearing trucker caps and had mullet haircuts and were wearing checked flannel shirts with the arms cut off....and that includes the women!.

So anyway, I passed the exam. Am going to carry on studying and might take another one in a few weeks.
Also heard from my agent and he said that my contract renewal was in the hands of the mangers at the bank. They have yet to make a decision. Our bank like all other banks, with the exception of Goldman sachs, has lost billions recently. Am not fussed either way if I get renewed or not. Actually could really do with a few weeks off. Had a few weeks off at the beginning of the year and got a lot of study done and also went to the gym a lot. Was feeling super fit mentally and physically, and I am also confident that if I was available immediately for a contract, something would come up. We’ll see how it goes.

going to see angels and airwaves next thursday. am looking forward to it as they were good last time i saw them.

Look after yourself V, in california or arizona or wherever you may be.....

Today I have mostly been listening to James Morrison – Wonderful World
.

Sunday 6 April 2008

infinite winter



it snowed last night and this morning. we are week into april and it was freezing outside when i was going to the gym this morning. i suppose the weather can only get better from now on but it feels like we have had an infinte winter.

today i have mostly been listening to prince - sometimes it snows in april. indeed it does.

got an exam this week. was supposed to be booking my cisco exam but i saw a microsoft web hosting exam that looked quite interesting so i booked that and i only started studying for it last thursday so i will have studied less than a week by the time i take it. heres hoping its not too difficult.

nothing happening on the job front but something is going to come up soon and when it does i can start planning my holiday and stuff.

take care V.

Tuesday 1 April 2008

you got to laugh

Dear me, sometimes you just have to laugh.

I am dealing with a guy in New York because there is some work that needs to be done on a server here in London and its also used by some people in new York. Anyways, i asked it i could do this at 11am on Saturday april 12th.


He replied back asking if this was new York time.

I said no, it was UK time. Its a server here in London and we own it.

He then said oh, that means its 4pm new York time then.


I replied “no its 6 am new York time”.

He then replied “ok, so its 11pm UK time then”

I replied “ no, its 11am UK time, 6 am New York time, you guys are 5 hours behind UK.”

He then replied saying this Saturday is not good for him and could it be done on Sunday.

I replied, i wanted it done on Saturday april 12th ( like i originally said in my first email).

He said he would get back to me......
(there were a couple more mails and an instant message conversation, but you get the idea)

Ha ha ha!!!. 11am UK time on Saturday april 12th like i asked in my original email dude!. Why did we just have to exchange 10 emails and have an instant messenger conversation to get nowhere?. Ha ha ha!!!. You got to laugh.

Today i have mostly been listening to velvet revolver – slither. What a great song.

Look after yourself V