book of james

one of the reasons i dont really like to go to the pub with people i am working with is because i always have to hold my tongue and cant say what i think. its sad but true. i dont think people like me are supposed to be working in investment banks and hedge funds because i just look at the people i work with and my brain works in a completely different way to most of the people there. 

i dont love shopping, i dont drive a flashy car, i dont post on facebook every detail of my life, i dont think i am better than other people, i have completely different priorities for the money i earn and what i spend it on. 

here is an example of why i dont get into conversations with these people. one of the guys has started seeing a new girl. his divorce only came through a couple of weeks ago but already he is smitten with this new girl. he bought himself a new car for 37,000 about a year ago. 5 months ago he bought her a new car for 17,000 and last week he bought another car for 22,000 for her because she did not like the first car her bought her and she wanted something better. he borrowed the money for all these cars, as he has little savings and despite being very well paid, he lives hand to mouth. he is also thinking of moving in with the girl. he asked me what i thought of the the situation. i did not really say anything but just said, yes, you need to think about it and hopefully it goes well. nothing basically. 

what i really would have said was, you bought a girl you have been going out with for a few months, 2 cars for £39,000 and she was previously declared bankrupt so could not get finance or the money to borrow it herself. are you mental??!!!. you are thinking now of moving in with her and your divorce only came through a couple of weeks ago. she has been married twice before. are you fucking mental??!!!. its been months. stop and think rationally about this. there is no need to commit to this so soon and in such a big way....but rationality and thinking of the future is not something you really think about, because if you did, you would not have pissed up the wall the thick end of a million pounds over the last 10 years, and you are left ringing around banks to borrow the money for these cars because you have little money saved up. where did all the money go?. well it went on £4,000 TV, £76,000 on 3 cars just this year, £1,600/month rent for a waterfront apartment in canary wharf, £4,000 on 2 laptops this year, £2,000 on 2 pairs of headphones and god only knows what else. 

maybe its because my dad worked for the post office for 37 years and we did not have luxuries and lots of money to throw around when i was growing up, but i just find profligate spending the habits of people a bit strange. maybe thats how they were raised or maybe they need to buy lots of things to make themselves feel better. also, you are going out with a girl for a few months and you bought her 2 cars?. i dont know her and i dont want to call her a gold digger or say anything against her, but firstly she should not even be asking for that shit, and secondly, alarm bells should be ringing in his head when it even comes up in a conversation. the sex must be phenomenal because he appears either distracted or unable to think rationally. 

i could be wrong but i dont think there is going to be a happy ending. even if she can give up the spending and cars, he is just as spend happy and he needs to earn a lot more than 100,000 a year to make ends meet. in a time of high unemployment and millions of people struggling it does demonstrate what a bubble the world of high finance is. its not connected to the real world, and i have met hundred of people in this industry and i can count on my fingers how many 'normal' and sensible and humble people i have met. 

this is why i tend not to go the pub with them, because it means i have to listen to talk about the price of audi's, or whats the best new TV out, or golf or holidays in tuscany or skiiing in st moritz. i listen quietly and have nothing to say and just thank the stars i am not worried about getting finance on my 3rd car this year, or paying off my wedding loan after my divorce (the finance on your marriage ceremony was longer than your marriage), or buying a girl an audi a3 and she drives it for 5 months and then tells me she wants an A5 now.  

most of western society is based on rampant consumerism and money. people have no worth in themselves. its how much money they earn and what car they have and how big their house is, that we are taught to aspire to. that is the measure of success and happiness. in the world of finance this is magnified even more and these are the driving forces by nearly everyone in the industry, and i might be a hypocrite for working in it, but the thing is, i am only faking it. it is a place where an average joe who is nothing special (me) can earn an inflated salary. the deal is you are then supposed to worship the industry and people in it and the values it promotes. i don't. i see it for the illusion that it is. if i had more conviction i would refuse to work in hedge funds and banks but i saw my dad spend 37 years working as a postman and i saw how hard it was. i dont think i can do what he did. he was twice the man i am and will ever be, but i also saw he earned his money to take care of his family and not trivial trinkets that were to be worn to show off to others. i will carry on with his philosophy and i have no interest in it, even though i am supposed to, as they have let me in to their circle. 

everyone has problems and things that are important to them. mine are not cars or tv's or begging money from banks despite earning a six figure salary. mine are more important that that and actually thats something to be thankful for. 

Five-O

got pulled over by five-O today whilst cycling to the gym. they were in a car and even gave a blast of their siren to tell me to stop. there had been a few people walking across a zebra crossing and as the last person crossing had walked halfway across i just rode behind them and across the crossing and down the road. i was not going ridiculously fast, i did not even get close to hitting anyone, and i passed behind them. the policeman who pulled me over said i should have waited for them to completely cross the road before i cycled across. yeah!, bollocks!. i just nodded my head and said yes, ok and carried on. 

due to a random twist of fate i find myself not being black and so i tend not to get stopped by the police or have much interaction with them, but from the few times i have had to deal with them or seen them in action, they have been useless and on one occasion, possibly criminal. they refused to come round one time an old guy had been stopped for money around the corner from my house. he had gone to the nearest house, ours, and was shaken up and wanted me to call the police for him. i did and they refused to come out. 20 minute phone call later, the both of us managed to persuade them to come and see this old man and also to check the area for the guys that had tried to get money off him. 

a few years ago i was walking home from a night out with some work friends and was walking to the tube station along a dark street. in front of me was a police van and 3 or 4 officers. they had hold of a guy, who appeared drunk and was handcuffed. as they led him to the back of the van which had its doors open they clearly and deliberately pushed him hard, so that his knees hit the rear bumper of the van, and because his hands were behind his back, he fell face first into the van. i heard his face slam into the floor of the van. i dont know what happened before, but he was not resisting and being aggressive as they led him to the van and they deliberately took a run up and pushed him face first. i remember being shocked at what they did, and clearly remember thinking to myself, who would i report that to, if the guy was hurt. i cant call the police on the police. maybe i should have done or said something but i just walked passed them and got my train. its their word against mine and we know how that goes. just ask jean charles de menezes

one of the guys i work with is a volunteer police officer on weekends. he has a wife and 3 kids and spends his whole week working at the firm and then in his free time he is a copper. jeez, you must not really like your wife and kids if you want to spend your weekends away from your family when you dont have to. he also talks about who he 'nicked' and what is legal and what is not. stupid shit that i really do not give a fuck about but i think, he thinks it makes him look impressive or cool, but it does not. he is a nice guy but he can occasionally fall into that slightly patronising tone that policemen can sometime have. 

being in the force  must be similar to working in an investment bank. dont think, just follow these rules and make sure everyone else does. dont ever question the rules and even if you think one of the rules is stupid, remember that it was created by someone probably cleverer and better paid than you and they know best. 

bite the hand

new job is going ok. the first few weeks are always a little difficult just getting your head around everything and i am sure it will be difficult for a while longer. the firm seem to be at that point where they are transitioning from being a small self run IT team to one that actually has grown and needs to be managed properly. 

they have got shitloads of money for a relatively small firm and have 3par SAN and lots of virtualisation but they also had an outage the other day because someone forgot to pay the bill on one of their leased lines and their monthly backups failed as well. they have clearly grown a lot recently but they missed some fundamental things. by the look of it, all of the gaps will be addressed over the next 6 months as they put in a new backup system and get a new DR site. it should be interesting. 

they are also very friendly which is a bit strange for me being the contractor. part of the reason i like being a contractor is so that i can just got to work, do my job and then try and forget about it. these guys are always inviting me to drinks and lunches which is nice of them, but for the most part, i cant be arsed. as a contractor i always have to watch what i say and i cant really relax around them, like i can with my friends who dont work there. i will slowly get used to it because i can not keep saying i am busy and not go out with them to the pub. 

seeing as their is no california for me this year, i thought i would try and put together a road trip around europe for around 8 or 9 days. paris, madrid, barcelona, milan, paris might be a good one. lots of football games to potentially see, but also a lot of driving. will see how it evolves and what the fixtures are.