it took me over 6 months to find a job last time i was looking which was this time last year. it was so hard to do but i persisted with it in the hope that it would be better for me in the long term. i could have given up and stayed because its very tempting to give up after a few months of rejections.
this time round the contrast has been huge. the first week of january was dead and i didn't really apply to much. january 7th was the first day of applying properly and today i got offered a job at an american investment bank. its still not quite what i want to be doing but its progress and its a new experience. they want me to start on monday and i am looking forward to it. even this evening i have been getting calls about other firms wanting me to come in for interviews and i have had to tell them that i have accepted something and i am off the market. it feels great.
the job i have accepted is a freelance contract initially for 3 months and then reviewed on a 3 month basis after that. that is ideal for me because i think i will look again in the summer and see what we can get. i might find something that fits me perfectly. this current role is just an experience but not a career yet. it is nice to have the security of being having options though and getting offers. i always used to fear losing my job and not being able to get anything. that fear has gone for the time being.
today i have been worrying about my friend from san diego, and listening to joy division - love will tear us apart.
i don't get to talk to her anymore. we decided that it was maybe best if we kept our distance emotionally as well as geographically what with me being in london and her out in the states 7,000 miles away, because her life took a turn and moved on in a way that our relationship would have been inappropriate.
its just weird that we decided to go our seperate ways not because we didn't like each other enough but because we liked each other too much. i don't know if she thinks about me, i think maybe i might cross her mind once in a while. she is still on my mind everyday as i always cared and worried about her and i still do.
it was weird but tonight at football half way through the game it just hit me really hard all of a sudden. it lasted for about 10 minutes and then my mind came back to where i was and what i was doing. i don't think she reads this blog as she doesn't know about it. there is a chance you might. i want you to know that even though we haven't spoken in 3 months you are still a positive influence on me. you inspired me to take the risks i am and you gave me the confidence i have now and my life is changing and its because of you. i always said i would be forever indebted to you and i could never pay you back. i wish i could.
thank you flower. i wish i could tell you now and talk to you because it was an interesting day today. you take care very good care of yourself my friend.
Nxx
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