god!, my job is so dull. if it were warm and sunny i could just about tolerate it, but its cold and mostly cloudy and i feel like i am just hanging in there. i get paid today so hopefully that will give me a little bit of a lift, but that lift will barely last a day or two and then i will be back to being bored out of my skull doing repetitive operational processes that are of no value at all in the long run if you are looking to advance your career.
each bank has their own process and systems and they are all run in their own ways. the theory behind the process is the same but the way its put in practice varies from place to place and it doesn't require any intelligence or skill. you just have to learn who to email or what document or process to follow.
i feel so restricted in what i have to do, and the things i do have to do are very dull and i have absolutely no interest in doing those things. i don't know why these places want microsoft certified people because i could have done this job when i had no experience or exams at all.
maybe i feel fed up because its been a long cold winter and my resistance is low, but i do know i don't want to stay here for long. i look at the people that have been there and there is no spark in them. there is no curiousity or ambition or even any kind of life in them. they live for doing this boring shit and seem content with it.
maybe there is something wrong with me. even when i was working at the internet company i spent 8 years at, i pushed myself to do exams and instead of getting consultants in to do the big projects, i made the effort to do them myself, because it was a good chance to learn. in my 8 years i never stopped pushing and the reason i left was because i could see that there were not going to be many chances to do anything new. this lot just seem content to do whatever it is they do.
lots of people hate their jobs. its not nice to go in and to work everyday and hate your job, but i think its worse if you end up convincing yourself that this is it for you and you surrender to it. a lot of people don't have a choice and they do have to stick with their jobs, but they also keep the light inside them burning. they don't surrender to the misery even though there jobs can make them miserable. i won't do that either. i won't convince myself that i love something i don't.
today i have mostly been listening to the smiths - there is a light that never goes out.
went to the cinema yesterday evening. was standing on the platform waiting for the train and the sun was low in the sky. for a few minutes it looked like summer, but given the fact it was about 4C it wasn't completely convincing.
i saw the film ' there will be blood'. it was one of the best films i have seen in ages. daniel day lewis is easily the best actor around. his performance is so real and believable you forget he is actually just acting. unbelievably good.
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