graceland

No enthusiasm to follow boring mindless procedures. Its just sooooo dull and after 6 months of it i have pretty much done about as much as i can stand of it. i miss having to use my brain and occasionally doing something interesting. I think its getting close to the time to move on. i was actually thinking of pussying out and staying a bit longer and maybe renewing my contract for one more 3 month period, but there would be no point and i would just be screwing myself over. I need to be brave and make that jump into the unknown. I need to take that risk. The alternative is staying here and carry on doing what i am doing and that is just lame. Its not like i would be giving up a job i love doing.

I did all those exams and all that study and i have to try and use some of it in a job somewhere. its wasted in this place. I know why the other guys don’t do exams or study and its because there is simply no need to in this role. Why learn about stuff you are not going to use, and in the case of these people here never ever will use, because they are never going to leave. I just find the tasks in this job trivial and i can’t keep myself interested in it or do it with any enthusiasm. Maybe the guys here were motivated and enthusiastic to learn things at one point but i just don’t see it in them and i get the feeling they are content with this mediocre operational work. Thats fine for them but i am not and hopefully will never be.

I do know one of the reasons why the other 2 guys in the department stay here. Its the flexible working hours and the fact that they can work from home or take days off at very short notice whenever it suits them. yesterday i was the only person in our department in the office. I think they will be pissed when i go and they have to cover all the shifts they don’t want to do or when they have to come to the office and not ‘work from home’ at short notice. at the moment i do the late shift every single Friday. I don’t mind because its a 6pm finish and compared to most other banks and what i am used to, thats not a late shift at all. I won’t be around for much longer to do that any more for them.

I was wavering on the idea of leaving over the last week or so about staying a little longer, but actually writing it all down has made things a lot clearer and this isn’t about the next few weeks or 3 months but has implications for years ahead and my career. I would be wasting time if i stayed. I need to experience something different in a new environment.

Still not heard back from the 2 interviews that went well. everything takes sooo long. Inefficiencies of large organisations which is something i am becoming much more aware of.

....All the while there is the thought of a road trip in the back of my mind....

Today i have mostly been listening to paul simon – graceland.
The Mississippi delta was shining like a national guitar

have always wanted to go to graceland. maybe one day......soon.

Take care V. Keep your spirits up and keep smiling flower.